Falling in love is a wonderful experience, and everybody wants to find someone who makes them feel happy and comfortable. However, there are times when all those butterflies you felt in your tummy when you first met disappears and things go sour.
Not everyone handles a break up well, and for some others, they would want nothing more than to make up with your ex and continue where the last left off.
In this article, I will be discussing some basic steps that you can take to get that person you love back. No relationship is irreparable when both parties genuinely like each other. So let’s see if these steps would work for you.
What general mistakes do a lot of people make when trying to get back with their ex after a breakup?
The first thing a lot of people do is panic. That is one primary thing that many relationship coaches have to address when dealing with their clients because fear is almost very typical and you notice these heartbroken folks reacting from a position of weakness.
Acting this way put the other person in a place of power. The one who does the dumping assumes the position of superiority because he or she decides the status of the relationship whereas the ones who got dumped is doing everything within their power to have them change their mind.
What this would mean is that the person who got dumped is basically pleading for mercy at that point. This insanely is not an attractive or effective way to fix things after a breakup, as a matter of fact, it makes the person who did the dumping go farther away.
The second most common mistake that people make immediately after a breakup is that they tend to approach their ex using logic and reason.
Just like you would see in the movies, in real life, when a heartbroken person talks to their ex about why they should get back together because they have had good times together, or maybe because they have bought properties together or co-own a business, they do so work high hopes.
Some people even go as far as begging the person who dumped them and promising to change or fix the issue that supposedly but unlikely was the cause of the breakup.
It is sad to say that this method is very unlikely to work because though they may be certain issues that played a contributory role to the split those problems probably caused a drop in emotional attraction, and that means that regardless of how you try to get the dumper to reason they cannot get that attraction back.
This is not to say that it is impossible for the dumper to get emotionally attracted to the person he or she dumped again but talking to them or arguing about it is not the right method to get them to regain that attraction.
The third and final mistake I would like to share here is the part where people who get dumped believe that it is possible to convince the other person about how much love they have for them and even have faith that talking to them will make the person reconsider getting back and staying with them forever.
Like I have a pointed out the problem here is that regardless of how much change you promise, regardless of how much you make them understand that you are willing to make things work, whatever the problem was that led to the breakup has most probably caused them to become a little emotionally unattracted to the person they dumped.
So no matter what you do or say, even if you have hoped that it would work would be a total waste. There is no point trying to convince someone who dumped you that you love them because chances are they probably already know how you feel about them.
The problem here is not whether or not you love them and want them back; the question is if they love you and want you.
This person is probably leaving you because they don’t feel the same love for you as they did before or maybe they still love you but not as much as they used to.
So you must understand that in this situation how you feel isn’t important. What is most important is how they think and what they want and how they can get what they want regardless of how it affects you.
So the three aspects I have mentioned above are the areas where people spin the wheel to either allow those that have left them to come back or even push them further away.
This is an important aspect of the job of a breakup coach, to keep victims from doing wrong or unproductive things so that they can completely focus on doing the things that will help them achieve their desire.
Getting people to understand that these three things listed above are not the best things to do and trying to convince them that these things are unproductive would sound very unreasonable to them because they are in a very complicated situation and are more emotional than logical at this point.
What should victims do instead?
After a breakup, a lot of people would have tried at least one of the three things above before they realise that they need to take a different route to their destination.
Sometimes it is good to allow someone who’s heartbroken to make one of these mistakes above so that they can learn the hard way that those things are unproductive because when you tell them, you would sound like the bad guy.
The first thing that a person needs to do after getting dumped’ is to make the breakup easy in one way and make it difficult in another.
By making the breakup easy, I mean even though it is OK to have some initial push backs the next thing you should do is tell the person who is breaking up with you that you have accepted due respect their decision.
And immediately after that have the parting best wishes done and get off the phone or leave the environment immediately.
This is the contrary attracting the affection of your ex would begin. You need to disappear immediately and allow the person who is dumping you to truly feel the experience of breakup this role is called the no contact rule and it always works.
If you’re able to get the no contact part right and also gets the disappearing part right then here are ten steps ahead of your ex.
Why is being dumped difficult?
No human being likes to lose anything valuable to them so getting them to be difficult because of the sense of loss. It is always far harder for people to experience the loss of someone or something that they had and valued than when they never had these things in the first place.
The desire to get back or reclaim what has been lost is instinctive and always intense. Most of the time, people who have been dumped make the mistake of confusing the pain of loss with the feeling of love. Love and loss are two different things even though the emotions at that point may seem the same.
Another reason why people are so distraught after a breakup is that often they attach their value to the other person.
Whenever this happens when the person you love decides not to be romantically involved with them anymore they feel a sense of sadness, and they feel less valuable, so the only way they can feel like better people is for them to regain the attention of the person they had lost.
This may not be a surprise to you, but you already know that an individual’s value can never be determined by another person. So if someone decides to be with you or to leave you, they neither add not to take away from your value.
So whenever you feel like your value is based on another person or your relationship status with that person, then you’re already finding your way down hill somehow since you don’t know your worth.
So the extreme difficulty involved in records is a combination of the two things I have mentioned the feeling of damage to our value and the sense of loss now your left hand while the obvious pain or no longer being in a relationship with someone you love cannot be eliminated.
Anything else we should know?
It is often more difficult than a lot of us think to leave the other person alone after a breakup. In fact, it is usually as if nothing is being done towards trying to win the other person dark.
We are always bewitched with the idea of reaching out and no matter how much you try to convince a person that maintaining no contact with someone who is just left them is the best idea they still find themselves opening the lines of communication.
I maintain that you got dumped you must stand your ground and do not reach out to your ex regardless of how tempting it may be.
Always wait for them to reach out first as that increases your chances of getting together with them if you open the lines of communication too soon, you will find yourself running on a treadmill and getting nowhere because you are not giving them enough time to miss you and realize why they need you back in their life.
We understand that breakups are a very difficult time for anyone, but if you must win the love of your life back, then you have to be disciplined and principled regardless of how bad it hurts the need to find your strength.
We hope that you found this article interesting and educating. If you have any further opinions or suggestions, please do not hesitate to leave them in the comments field provided below also it would be nice for you to share on your social media platforms so that others can also learn.